This story was submitted anonymously to the How We Show Up collection as part of the July SEEQ sessions.
My most inauthentic moments were birthed from insecurity and inadequacy. When someone asks you if you know how to do something, or have certain skills the honest/ authentic answer may be no, however the words I gave voice was yes. This was not due to the goal or intent to deceive, unless I was actually deceiving myself. This was more due to the idiosyncratic mix of insecurity and overconfidence. The drive to be the savior or deliver and come through for those seemingly depending on me, overwhelmed the lack of known ability and inexperience. For example, can you ride a motorcycle, why yes!! Of course! I love to ride. When I said those words the authentic portion is I would love to ride, and it looks easy, I’m a fast learner, with good reflexes, sure I can do that. The problem is authentic or unauthentic it works out, take it slow and adjust on the fly. In my mind I looked like a seasoned rider from a biker gang reunited with my lob lost pasión. To the visible eye, inching forward, bike shutting off, inching forward again, I must have seemed, if you took me at my word, as the rustiest rider ever, possibly owning a moped in the past! But a couple more shut offs, uhh yep getting the hang of it, now back to inauthentic rob, let’s show off… piping the clutch the front tire shoots up in the air, I hold on for dear life, hands white, shoulders tense, whew that worked… still alive. “Here’s your hike back. Nice! Could use some tuning to keep that wheelie though”. What was I thinking. Honestly that was the problem, the appearance of control and but mindless words and action. Thereafter I’ve since learned to ride and owned multiple motorcycles, I’m a fool! But I got away with it, so the next opportunity my affirmative reaction is too quick, again no thought. This record revolves more than I am proud to admit, but the kryptonite, or sobering thought of my children have provided a reasoning absent in my life prior to becoming a parent. I still don’t think, just apear more cautious because I should be. I have kids right!