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By and Large

theglueisdrying September 13, 2015
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By and large… Did I really just write “By and Large”? I never say “By and Large”. Do you? Think about it. It’s a useful statement as in “By and large, I clearly love crunchy but will reluctantly accept creamy when there is no alternative as that would mean by and large omitting choice”. YES! Double use score! Ding Ding!

By and large, I am good at purging stuff. Looking at an item in my closet and assessing it’s usefulness in my life and then tossing or donating based on its condition. I am so good at purging things I actually gave away pretty much everything I owned. Sold my soul in the process too! By and large, that’s another story entirely.

There are only a few things I have drug around with me since the great rid of 2012, they include and are limited to, my sock monkey “Monk Monk”, my grandmother’s armoire, an oriental rug from my childhood home, 2 motorcycle jackets from the time I rode across the country, a gaggle of pantyhose and copious amount of old socks and underwear. Please note the word “old” refers to age and not condition except for the socks.

Yesterday, I hesitatingly threw out my sticky bottom yellow hospital socks from my back surgery 3 years ago. By and large, it was a little emotional. These sticky socks had a wistful memory attached to them of a once beautiful man, who unselfishly and lovingly washed my feet and my body and put those sticky yellow socks on me when I could not reach my own feet.

Okay, let me briefly get to what’s underneath this weird girl story. Panties! Panties! Panties! By and large, I don’t think I have an extraordinary amount of panties however; I have an interesting assortment of shall we say “tired” panties? While peeing in the ladies room at work the other day, and yes, squatting for fear of catching some gynacacacadoodledoolebola, I looked down perplexed and amused as I ascertained that indeed, these were the white thongs I wore on my wedding day in 2001. Oye, I’m tired and so are my panties of yesteryear.

With tears and hesitation I was able to donate all my marathon t-shirts, for The Love of God and practically an intervention I begrudgingly rid myself of brand new packages of panty hose. By and large, I think it’s time to do a panty raid without getting them in a knot.   Yes, even the $150 pair beaded ones from La Perla. Why is underwear called a “Pair”? I know, I know, it’s because we call pants a “Pair”!

Men, did you know many women have a reason and a purpose for every pair of panties? Just ask them.

I will purge some panties this afternoon and by and large, each one will have a story, I will laugh, possibly cry and maybe write a little story…






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