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Changing Gears

Laurie Gray November 10, 2014
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It has been eight years since my husband Marty died. We shared that special kind of relationship between a husband and wife that only a long-term marriage brings. And we knew that our love would last a lifetime.

As couples do, we split up the duties and responsibilities of running a household. Like many husbands, Marty drove us to most places we were going. He enjoyed driving and I liked the luxury of not having to worry with the traffic. After he died, it was one of the first major challenges that I had to deal with alone.

We always went to visit our friends and family in New York during the holiday season and I felt it was important to continue that tradition. Although it was a long drive from North Carolina, I was determined to make the pilgrimage. Armed with several good cds, Marty’s reading glasses in case I needed to check the map, and a positive attitude, I began my journey. About half way through I was an absolute wreck. Whatever in the world made me think I could do this? I called my sister and told her, through tears, that I couldn’t make it for Christmas. Of course, she offered to send her husband to pick me up.

And it hit me. I was now a widow and there would be no Marty to drive us places. I no longer had a husband. And I couldn’t spend the rest of my life depending on other people’s husbands to drive me about. I sat in the car with his glasses on and cried like a baby. Then, I pulled myself together and I drove myself to the city. But I had changed. I understood that it was time for me to accept and move forward with my life. Not without Marty, of course. He will always be a part of me. But it was time to rediscover life and figure out who I was. Oh yes, I still have those glasses. I sometimes put them on when I am alone. It comforts me.

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