Creating Your Own Happiness

I used to dread Valentine’s Day. After my divorce I was not eager to celebrate what I did not have and could no longer believe in. I was determined to live my life quietly, peacefully, and alone. But I was lonely.

And then I met Robert. He was also divorced. The first time I saw him he was with a group of his friends. I immediately noticed his easy laugh and playful manner. It was obvious that he enjoyed life. I found myself falling under his spell and before I knew what happened, we were married.

I quickly learned that choosing to start over with another person later in life is both rewarding and challenging. Of course, the first thing we did was learn to blend our families. But, attitudes, ways of doing things, and maintaining a personal sense of balance also became vital. Wanting to make this commitment last, we asked a lot of our friends who are in long-term relationships and marriages for guidance.

We learned that the basic cornerstones of a successful relationship are love, trust, and communication. Although these words are somewhat ambiguous, we have translated them into a way of life. We show our appreciation by saying please and thank you to each other. I stop what I am doing and really listen when Robert talks with me. We give each other space and privacy. We certainly both need our alone time. And I understand that we are going to do things differently.

Perhaps the most satisfying thing about being an older woman in a new relationship is my approach to personal happiness. I am no longer under the influence of the Cinderella complex. I understand that my prince charming cannot possibly fulfill my every desire and I take responsibility for my own happiness.

Of course, happiness means different things to each of us. I am an artist and I love to create. I find both the process and the end product bring me great pleasure. And I love to read. In fact, I met the other boomer girls at a book club meeting. So, what makes you happy?

In closing, I want to let you know that I have changed my mind about Valentine’s Day. Yes, of course Robert is one of the reasons. But romantic love is not the only form of love you need to be happy. Love yourself and enjoy your life. Always remember that all friendships are meant to be cherished and celebrated.