Hated It

This story was submitted anonymously to the Work it! Working to Live and Living to Work collection as part of the October SEEQ sessions.

I had a job in high school, selling messenger services to companies on Wall Street. I hated it. And truth be told, I was a bad employee. It was a commission job. I’d go to the office, pick up a stack of fliers, and I was supposed to go create leads by handing out these fliers to companies in the many buildings in the financial district. Cold. I was so intimidated, because I didn’t trust the product or my ability to sell it. I felt like I was trying to convince companies of the unconvinceable. So I would take the fliers and throw them all in the garbage and go read Tom Clancy and James Clavell novels all day at the South Street Seaport. And then go home. I was literally faking it, because I was afraid of failing at it. I remember one day, I got up enough courage to actually hand a few out. Or my version of it. I slid them under the doors of a few offices and then ran to the elevator, desperately trying not to be seen. One day, I got a hit. I sold a messenger job. I only sold one. But it was enough for me. I learned that I don’t like selling messenger service. I learned that if I’m afraid of failing at a job, I’d rather not do it at all. And yet, I also learned that if given no choice, I will fake it until I can succeed. And then, I will decide whether to keep at it, or move on to the next thing.