Today. Right now. This moment. After 50 years of living, I have realized the fact that my house is a little messy and my waist line is a little messy, that I have a couple house projects more than I should have, and I don’t have deeper relationships in my community; isn’t because I am weak in comparison to the perfect me. Its because I love lazy.

I like exercise and engagement. I enjoy a great walk or adventure. I enjoy learning and working to produce things. Younger me dove head first into active living. But, I have an ever increasing love of lazy. Lazy is the moment when those you love, all grab their “sweats”, call in a pizza and put on a horror movie. Crowded on the line cushioned seating, it feels like a real reward, a pinnacle of accomplishment. A prize for all the things you have put forth your effort for. That release is addictive.

I don’t believe I am naturally built for lazy. I come from a line of people with high levels of nervous energy. My mom at 80 buzzes around like a 20 year old. I am not that, but I am of an ilk that I feel a guilty loss when I love on lazy too long. I think my wife, after 30 years, has slowly conditioned me to this higher level addiction. My wife is an intravert, a grader, a planner, a listener, a knitter. These are all refined skills of the couch. She is comfortable sitting after dinner talking for hours, or snuggling a blanket “in process” while watching a Criminal Minds episode for the 10th time. There’s some lazy in it, but for her it is a platform for her mediums of expression. Her enriched experience is entirely different.

For me though, its lazy. I am not doing my thing when I am loving on lazy. I am not riding a bike, or playing a guitar, or throwing a nail into wood. I am a living impersonation of the “pause button”. Today, it feels too predominant in my schedule, especially while spending winter in the burbs. Exercise and engagement are a formal sport, lazy is like breathing. It just happens.

In reality, I like lazy, but I love my wife. My wife and my lazy live together. Now that my kids have moved off to college and on. My active life is a thing I leave for alone. Rarely do I see my wife, when lazy isn’t tagging along.

This is a spark of enlightenment. Marriage is a management structure. I need to manage my lazy and plan a more active marriage in order to be “me”, and a better “us”.