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I’m Graduating

atmathew May 11, 2018
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-Day One. T-minus eight days till I literally step towards my future as I walk the lawn of UVa and all I can feel is, well nothing. I hear from my elders (frankly anyone above 21) that I should be nervous. Adult life is “rewarding but stressful” and that college was the dream they wish they never woke up from. I hear from my peers that I should be excited and nostalgic. Adult life is “everything we ever wanted and the past is just a reminder that being a kid is bliss”. I hear from my heart the waiting room music you hear when you wait on the elevator on the way up to an interview. It’s the moment before you dive into the deep end of a pool, the moment before your lips meet with the love of your life for the first time, it’s silence. I can’t help but feel nothing. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved college, in fact I would go as far as to say they’ve been the best four years of my life to date. I’ve loved the friends, the freedom, and of course Chick Fil A being a part of my meal plan. But the emphasis is on “to date”. I don’t know that I’m ready or willing to accept that this could be the best four years of my life. But I’m also not ready to accept what comes next. I don’t feel sad about leaving, but I don’t particularly feel that excited about the future. My problem is (other than excessive comma usage, excuse my grammar issues) my dreams are all too far in the future. You see I love hip-hop. I think if you took an X-Ray of my heart right now you would see two things written on my heart: Family & Hip-Hop. I love hip-hop because it’s the ultimate form of storytelling, now I won’t bore you with the details of my obsession, rather this is just a quick aside that music is everything to me. My dream is to teach hip-hop studies to college students. I want to give them the same voice and platform to speak up against hate, oppression, and depression. I want them to feel free, like I feel free. But that’s a far way off. I still have to go back to school, I have to pay off my loans, I have to find a place that would let me teach. Right now is that in between phase, it’s the phase from December 1st to 24th before the big day. Anyways, without giving too much away that’s my situation right now. I am going to be writing a post a day for this next week leading up to the biggest day of my life. Right up until I get that diploma. I hope this series provides me and you some insight into my time at college, my feelings about graduation, and my future. Oh, and I am unemployed, and hopefully through these posts you’ll learn what I really, really want to do with the next step in my life. Thanks for listening,

Yours truly,

Andrew aka SlumBeast (I promise, I’ll explain the nickname later)

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