My father’s eyes

March 29 1985 I was involved in a car crash that killed 7 people. A pregnant woman with twins A man’s wife and two teen girls I was one of the dead. I Remember walking around the crash scene and a light came from above. I went into the light and eventually myself in a hallway then went through some doors that led me to a kitchen with all wood cabinets and a wood table a man was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. I was re living that Man’s life the morning of the accident. I went through Hell trying to get back to Earth. I went before the Lord holding hands with Jesus asking for forgiveness and send me back to Earth to save the babies. I was sent back when I came to I stood up from being on the ground and seeing my Dad running and jumping over the hood of one of the wrecked vehicles feared I was Dead. When he saw me standing he collapsed from relief and was very emotional.. A tall man that lost his wife got out and started yelling at my Father saying what is wrong with you my wife is dead. I jumped up and punched the Man on his Chin then grabbed his hand and led him to the passenger side of his vehicle where his wife was. I opened the door and placed my hand on her head to let them communicate. After that he went and relaxed. Another man that lost his daughters came up to me kneeled down to me and gave me peace saying it’s alright what is your name. I went over to the car where the pregnant woman was opened the door and put my hand on her head saying please forgive me. Her Spirit said it’s ok please save my babies their fading. I searched the floor for a knife I looked under the sheet that was on the floor found a tube of Neosporin. I put up my right hand asking the Lord to make a glass made knife sharp as a razor from the window I reached my hands through the window and pulled out a sharp piece of glass I opened the woman’s womb. I pulled the first one out and preformed CPR. It took seconds to get the heart to beat and she started to breathe. I placed her on the floor. And took her sister to my Father for him to preform the same thing I did. He tried but was to shocked and gave her back to me. I worked on her a lot longer and finally her heart started and she took a breath and started crying. I switched places with her sister on the floor and took the first one and sat on the road waiting for the the paramedics to arrive telling her stories while crying asking her to forgive me for causing the crash that killed her Mother. All these years later I’m wondering do I still have a purpose in life.. I’ve attempted suicide a few more times In my life because of the lack of love from my family. I’m still struggling wondering do I have a purpose will God use me for anything else in life will I just fade away and be alone with no one caring for me. I want love in my life and feel so alone. Four years ago I was driving my eightteen wheeler over the road and got a very aggervaiting call from my older sister demanding my money. It was a very nasty conversation from her she brought up many things from the past angry I wouldn’t give her any money. She then brought up the crash I caused saying you killed their Mother you killed their Mother 😠😠. I lost control and jerked the wheel. I awoke in a creek dazed and confused. Hearing a man yell from the bridge down to me asking if I was ok moments later the paramedics showed up and got me out on a stretcher and lifted me and placed me in the amblince. I was in the hospital for a few days. Not hearing from any family. I went to a woman’s house I was seeing and eventually went homeless. I went through a few different ministries and landed here in Austin Texas still searching for my purpose in life and wondering if God has a plan for me. I feel I’m on a boat with one paddle going in reverse. Fighting the same battle being followed by a hurse. I need an Angel.