My Favorite Mask

This story was submitted anonymously to the How We Show Up collection as part of the July SEEQ sessions.

About 4 years ago, I found myself standing on top of a table, screaming at the top of my lungs surrounded by a group of people, whom I cared deeply about, chanting alongside me. It was at this moment that I was fully engaged and knew that I had found what I was supposed to do. As I looked below me at the young men’s faces that I had spent the last 5 months with, I could honestly say that we were all better for the experience that I played an orchestral part in influencing. It was a feeling of excitement, camaraderie, and accomplishment that I had not yet had in my life. Over those 5 months I had the opportunity to coach a collegiate rugby team. I am passionate about sports and the role it plays in the development process for youth. The experiences that occur, the shared adversity that pushes us forward, and the life-long stories that are created during the sports journey are priceless. The moment I described above was a culminating event that expressed the joy and appreciation that we all had for each. It was certainly a defining moment in my life. The experience for me was rewarding because up until that time I was searching for what it was that I should be pursuing and working towards in my life. For years, the thought of not finding where my talents and passions aligned terrified me. There is a quote that says if you do what you love every single day, you’ll never work a day in your life. I was fearful of that happening for me as I am not a huge fan of meaningless work. This story taught me that I had some skills that were valuable to others in a way that could create lasting change. And that mattered to me. I can’t tell you who I am. It is not something that I think exists or at least, I don’t know what it means. All I can say is that throughout that 5 month experience, and in that one moment especially, I was engaged and loving life. Our character and personas are constantly adapting to experiences and defining moments that we come to in our lives. A persona was a roman word that was used for the masks that actors would wear when they would play different characters. A lot of times who we are, or maybe the ‘we’ that we act changes based on who we are around. If there is a ‘me’ I think that moment speaks the most to who he is. Who I was in that moment and throughout that journey was my favorite mask.