The Space Between

This story was submitted anonymously to the How We Show Up collection as part of the July SEEQ sessions

“I love you so much” he says. I pause. I pause for too long for the moment too long for something that should be so automatic. “I love you, too” I reply. Did he notice? Did he notice the space between? The space between. Between his declaration and my affirmation. Between us. I paused too long for someone who should be sure. I don’t not love him. It’s just It’s just It’s just that I don’t love where I am right now. But I don’t know that’s what it is when I answer. I just feel the space feel the spiraling thoughts in my head the doubts the worry the unhappy the restlesness the lack of purpose all of it getting in the way of feeling the greatest feel of love It’s not gone, just wrapped up in a mixed bag of emotions And yet I feel like a fraud. There are so many thoughts so many feelings so many fears to share And I choose one sliver. the safest choice. the one you want to hear. I love you, too. It’s just easier. I’ll sort the rest out later.