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Family and Friends Reflections Reflections on The Past Shared Stories

The 2 months of my lifetime: My story, my life, everything I wanted and more….

hercules004 December 30, 2017
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Alright then, I don’t know how to start this, but here is my story,

First it was Monday, the 30th of October, I worked in the second shift that day, until 11 pm and at that time it was just snowing so badly that I
could barely see anything from my car, on the way back home. Why I started with this? well, because it was all just soo unusual and if I think
better it could also have been a sign, because back home, that night I decided to buy Dead by Daylight from steam. I actually wasn’t about to
buy it until the Christmas discounts maybe, so I don’t know what happened, but it just hit me and I got it.I didn’t played so much until
Sunday, but watching my little sister joy when she saw it in the library made me very happy and I let her play first, me just watching.
What I didn’t liked was that she always checked the other players profiles and she was sending friendrequests, but I will eturn to that later.
So it is Sunday now, around 8 pm, all alone in my room, bored, so what I decided? Well…I decided to play the game, finally, so I opened it
and joined a lobby. Learning from my sister, I checked all the other players profiles and she was there too, Nala. I was intrigued, but really
not sure if I should send a request since she was level 1 and she didn’t had too many hours in the game, but what caught my eye was her status
”hi stalker” and that made me think…anyway, before I returned to the game, she was not there anymore and ”luckily” I didn’t closed her
profile page I returned there and I sent a request. a few minutes later she accepted, left the game and just stared at her, there in my list.
Eventually I sent her a text, ”Sorry to bother you, I just wanted to thank you for accepting me”. She said ”No problem” and I told her she
is nice and kind. Eh, from there on, we started building our relationship and 3 days later, I was already wondering who will be the one that will
say I love you first. I wanted her to be that, but I started impacient and a day later, before we played together I wrote her ”I love you”
That was a bit awkward for me and I didn’t got any reply. So we opened the game, she invited me to play together and then, in the lobby, before
we joined a game, in the last moment, last second, I wrote again ”I love you”. I wasn’t sure if she got to read that, but a few moments later,
she texted me back, in the steam chat ”awww, I love u too”. That was probably one of the best moments of my life. it was all so unreal, all so
perfect so good, too good to be true and we had a great first month together.
Then the first bad moment came. Exactly on the day of our first month anniversary, I woke up that day at around noon and started texting
beautiful to her, thanking for the time together and for the way she made me feel for the first time in my life. Then a couple hours of
nothing, she wrote nothing back and then, out of the sudden she wrote for the first time ”I think we should break up”. I was in shock and
had no idea how to react to that, so I asked why, asked what is wrong and why she thinks that, she said she is not feeling well.
That was the first moment she made me feel bad, sad and nervous I would lose her. I tried to comfort her, be there for her, tell her
everything will be alright and she shouldn’t worry, because this, what we have is real and I don’t want to give up. Late in the night I
finally conviced fer of my feelings and she thanked me for the support, but it was already too late, I was already broke, for the first time in
my life. 2 days later she got mad on me, again, but this time because of a slightly different reason. Apparently she saw some now people in my
friend list, 2 girls. Yes I admit, that was a bit stupid and unintentional, but I learned that from my little sister and I didn’t thought….
didn’t knew that will harm her, make her sad. I had no idea, I just wanted more friends in my list. She actually refused to text me again that
day and she wasn’t istnening to my explanations. I couldn’t sleep that night, so around 3 am in the morning I texted her again, saying I
don’t want to give up, I won’t do it…and the only thing she said back was, ”let me sleep”. I texted her a lot more that night and in the day
before I had to go to work, 2nd shift again I told her ”Wait for me tonight to talk, if you wait for me and you are not sleeping yet, I will
know you are still mine, if not, I won’t bother you ever again”. That was the longest day of my life, but when I got home, she was still there,
online. We worked it out and she said she belives in me, in us. those were the best words I got from her excepting the ”I love you” parts.
When I was starting to belive again, to belive is us and in our future, exactly a week later, from the first incident, Sunday, she did it to me
again. She started texting about this new girl in my friend list and I really had no idea what she was talking about, I didn’t knew she was there
it was my sister the one that added her. I promised her, after the last time that I won’t do it again and I didn’t, but she wasn’t interested in
that, in nothing. And then I was broke again, texted her all day long, all night and the only repies that I was getting were ”Hard luck”.
I really wasn’t going to give up, it was the best thing in my life, but she gave up then. I went to sleep earlier that evening, I had to get
back up early for work and it that morning, before leaving, I open my laptop, had 2 unreaded texts and when I clicked on them the window that
appeared had no texts in it and the name was just ”Unknown”. I thought that was a mistake or a bug or something so I also opened up my PC to be
sure, but it was the same thing. I had all these feelings on me….didn’t know what to do, how to react…she broked me again, but that didn’t
meant that I hurted less that before, it was actually worse. I lost so many things in my life, what I could’t have been, the people….but
nothing hurted more than that. I tried not to give up, still wrote her on profile, still hoping, wrote her even a poem, the second one and she
deleted it. Wednesday I was almost ready to give up. I asked a good virtual friend of mine to get into her friendlist to help me, to talk to her
through him. it wasn’t really working, but the thought that almost made me give up was, that friend tried to put us together in a game, to play
together and she refused. He had to go to sleep early and I told him just to transmit her this ”Please, just tell her this, tell her that I just
want to play a game with her before I go to sleep, just to tell her I miss her and that I am sorry and I hope all the best for her”. He told
her, but again, she was not interested. I went to sleep all so sad that night again, telling her goodbye in my mind. But the next morning,
for no reason at all, I felt like a new man. Actually the reason was…I got out that morning, before leaving for work and I saw…I saw
a shooting star and that made me feel again. I thought it was a sign and I couldn’t wait to get back home to try again, to get her back and I
would have tried everything for that, but it was easier that expected. Later that day, my friend got us in a game, all together and although he
told me she was not happy about it, she was there. I tried to write her there, in the lobby, but she wasn’t saying nothing back at me, nothing at
all. I guess the words that made her change her mind were ”Come on Nicole, can’t we be at least friends?”. It was before the last game with us
3….and I was dissapointed, in my friend that he had to go, in her for not listening at all and in myself for carying so much about I girl I
never saw in my life.
Something strange happened that day, a few minutes later she added me and I was in shock. I couldn’t text her anything, I was too afraid, but
she did, and what she said was ”ok, now you are friendzoned and we can still play if you want”. I was happy, I realised the shooting star in
the morning was actually a sign and it trully was. It was Friday, 15 December, my 12 years sister birthday. We had one more week and a half
together, in which it looked that nothing changed, we promised ourselves these would be out holidays and that we will make the best of it.
In the days we were apart we haven’t played without each other not a bit and we tried to recover the time lost. I stayed until 6-7 am in the
morning for her, even if I was too tired, I didn’t cared, I loved the time together, but whenever things were getting too serious between us
again, she kept reminding me ”We are just friends” and I was just so mad whenever she said that….what did she means ”JUST friends?”.
It was bothering me terrible, but I was just happy o have her in my life again. this week, the 8 week since we knew each other everything
changed again….for the worse.
Tuesday she told me that this friend of hers, that we played a couple games together before asked her to join for a voice call and that she
wants me there too. I was happy for that, I asked before to do that, she refused me everytime and this time I was about to finally hear her
voice. Oh…and that night, I saw a shooting star again, I told her about it and I told her she doesn’t needs to know what I wished for, but it
was all involving her, my future, our future. and now, for the next night….the worst of my life!!
He joined us, made a privare room to be all 3 of us and said to turn on the voice chat. I was going to do it immediately after the game we
were already involved in, but when the game ended and looked there to do it, he just left it. We continued to play, but something wasn’t feeling
right, I wasn’t feeling right…she was totally ignoring me. I was always the first to die and had to wait for 20-30 more minutes before they
finished the games. I was getting impatient and mad, I felt left alone, she was not texting nothing back at me and I got sad….all the night was
just so empty and sad. After we finished playing it was around 6 am again and she started texting back. Again shocking words….
She told me she was never mine, that she was never in love with me and she couldn’t love someone like me ever…
The third time she broke me….and this is the worse, I couldn’t sleep that morning or the next night, but the next day, another hit.
Thursday was something off…I asked about last night and what happened, why we didn’t do the voice chat…she said they did it and that she is
just surprised I didn’t know about it. Now, how the fuck would I knew about it??? I just felt lonely and I needed her and when I needed her
the most she left me down. My condition got worse, my feelings…I tried to go to sleep, but couldn’t again….all I had in my mind was them,
talking and making fun of me while I was in pain. Couldn’t get that out of my head, not at all, not for a moment. She stopped texting with me,
the only replied I got were ”Okay”, ”Fine”, Thanks”, nothing else, nothing at all. they started playing just them, me not invited and I
felt again…all this pain, is it really what I deserve? Maybe it is….
Today Friday 29th of December, when I started writing this, she was offline all day. I wrote, telling I miss her, she was never before for
such a long time away from me. When she saw that, at around 8pm in the evening, she said she was to the mall….I tried to get a few more words
from her, but I couldn’t. I asked her how she is and how she feels, nothing. Then, a couple hours later HE texted me, telling to stop spamming,
that she hates me and doesn’t want to text to me ever again. I asked, what did I do and why it is all my fault? Then they both deleted me.
Actually, while writing this she returned to ma again, saying she is now interesten in someone else and that she doesn’t want to hurt me.
”Too late” I said….and she said that I should know that we are just friends. Now a day before, I texted with him for a bit, he said he
knows I care about her a lot and that I shouldn’t worry, they are just friends and he is not interested….such a big lie, I can’t belive….
You know, everytime I felt bad and needed her support, her comfort, she just told me to stop that and if I don’t she will delete me
Right now it a bit past 2 am, 30th December already and they just started playing our favourite game now, we played that a couple times, some
Monoply little game….and I….
This story is not over yet, but I feel empty, my heart, my soul….it all hurts too much, I am dead on the inside…I need help….
These were supposed to be our holidays… it took me over 2 hours to write this….
On the 31st would be our 2 months anniversary….but it is all to late now, the 2 months of my life time, never felt anything like this before
Anyone out there reading this? I need help….I can’t sleep and I am sooo in much pain…I don’t want this….please….please don’t….

Now it’s 30th December, noon time, I couldn’t sleep again and it’s finally time to end this, because something interesting happened last night.
At around 3 am, she was away, couldn’t stop thinking about her, to stop my feelings so my idea was to try and say goodbye my own way.
Something really interesting happened and it looked like I was in a bad moveie or something. I started writing her, copying the texts I had
with him in the past few days, to show her that I have no problem with him and all I am concerned about is her happiness. Before I finished it
she came online and she said to stop, right before I was sending another one, so I deleted that and stoped. Strike one. Next thing I know, she
was telling me I am annoying and if she say to leave her alone, I should just do it, I told her I can’t do that, she can ask me whatever she
wants, but not leaving her alone, because this is what carrying means. I was denied the opportunity to say goodbay and I got so angry that I
turned my PC off. Strike 2. I logged in on my mobile and then just waited there. 10 minutes later she texts me again. I should have ignored that,
I should just have went to sleep, but I couldn’t. She asked me now that I show her all the conversation I had with that boy, I said I will try,
but I knew it was all too late… Strike 3. After he deleted me, I couldn’t access that conversation again, so I told her, she said I was lying.
I tried to recall it, write it to her with my words now, but again…she didn’t belived me. She gave me 2 more minutes, I tried again, the best
I could and she then started telling me that is not it and all she wants now is that conversation… We;, that was it, almost. She started
telling I was just a liar, that is not what I said or what I said, that she hates liars and she couldn’t be friend with me anymore.
Problem was, I never lied to her, I was always saying just what he made me feel and all my words, my texts, everything, I felt it all, every
single word, every emotion, every smile…. I begged her not to delete me, I told her I won’t bother anymore, I won’t text and that I just want
her there, in my list, just to have this memory and for her to see, if she ever needs me again, I will be there, always.
A few moments later, she did it, she deleted me, again, but I know this time is the last time, this time is forever, I feel it.
All I ever wanted was her happiness…what she made me feel during this time, I never felt in my life before. It just looks like somebody did
this to me, like it was all controlled from the outside, the choices, the moments, everything except the feelings. Am I really controlled, is
this just a bad movie? I don’t know what to feel and what to do anymore….I am so thursty, but noy hungry, I am so tired, but sleepless, I feel
too much and it looks like this is exactly what I was waiting for, what I need and what I want to feel. Isn’t it crazy? there might be something
wrong with me….but all I want right now is to stop feeling, to be myself again, to return to my lonely, empty life and just to have those
moments I am content with. It’s all I want…oh and her happiness too, I don’t care about myself and as long as she will be happy, my life can be
empty, I don’t care. I had the opportunity to learn, but will I learn from it? I had the opportunity to know a bit, the girl from my dreams, to
text her and express myself in ways I never did before. I am shy, I am an introvert and those words were everything I ever had.
Thank you for this, thank you for all, I can’t hate you, you made me feel, you made me think I found my purpuse in life, to fight for your
happiness, but I was wrong.
Now, you just wait for me, I will have you again, in my dreams, wait for me there and never leave please, never leave me again. I am there
with you and I will always be….in my dreams. Thanks for everything, this is all I ever had…her in my life, the best and the worst thing ever

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  1. James Warren December 29, 2017

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you’ve had a tough couple of months. But please know, someone is always listening. Simply by sharing your story, you’re helping yourself to get your feelings out. And of course, there are many people who can relate to you. Hang in there and believe that tough times, even painful ones, don’t last always. Be encouraged.