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Family and Friends Stories of Reflection

Aqua Celestial (A Poem for Maya)

James Warren October 21, 2022
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I
Feel
Empty
Lost
Forsaken
Little and young, restless
We were a family, a nucleus, now we sparkle alone
I didn’t think I’d want to understand, but I do
You left. All of you have left me
One after another
Over decades and days, disease took you from me
God, please help me
How could it be that I was the one to be left standing?
How improbable? How impossible?
And yet, here I am. The last of you
I wonder where you are now, perhaps more than I wondered about them
Are you out there among the galaxies? Truly, ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Still, you linger
Your place, your scarves, even your wallet, they hold you
Are you watching over us now? All of you? Or just you?
Are you smiling? Did you sigh?
Did it hurt? Did you cry?
Did you wish you could undo it? Or did you welcome death’s warm embrace as it came to carry you to the place you longed to be?
I thought we had 30 more years
Of birthdays and Sundays and holy days
God, help me
You are free now, indeed free from pain and free to go
Free to leave
As I must stay
I walk in the woods. I breathe in the oxygen, as you breathed out your life
I sit at the stoplight. I hear the sounds of life, as you turned down the volume in your head
Did the light flicker then fade? Or was it all gray all at once? What happens?
I am the only one left
You owe me
The anguish wells inside, flushing my face and I am desperate to keep it from falling from my eyes, running from my nose, for I fear I will lose everything all at once
I am not the same as I was, I am the only one left
You left
I stay
Because I am not the only one
Our family is there, and here
I am surrounded by love yet I am missing my nucleus
How I long to hear you, here
You owe your little big brother one last hug
Always your little brother, your partner in crime
Why was that the last time? When you hugged me but turned away? Why did you say goodbye like that?
Why were we ever in this position?
Ever, ever, ever?
Why were we left to figure this out? Emotionally orphaned so long ago, yet so deeply loved?
Flaws in the ointment
I think about the sands, the waves, and the stars in the heavens… I see you, I hear you, the aqua celestial
I am your brother
You are my sister
I love you forever, death is powerless
You are sun setting, waves crashing, moon shining on a new night
You have gone to them
I will stay here
God helps me
You are Maya. You are Aqua Celestial

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