The consequence of consistent inaction lures one into abandonment..

I sit here going through my life in the world of social media on all platforms. I see myself.. A different me.. The inevitable arrogance of young age luring one undeniably into a facade of perceived indestructibility. Feeding my ego constantly and what is the by-product you want to know? A chauvanistic pig that was ontop of the world. Until at a timely manner life came at me like an express train and shattered this.

I was ill equipped unprepared.. To say the least.. Unprecedented Im on my knees now how do i get up? How does one deal with the irrevocable place of doom where you never dreamed you’ll be in? Maybe ameliorate myself to tackle the issues at hand.. Or dig deep bury my head and find solace in the hope that it’ll go away. No. I lose further the luxury of sleep… I pick up a hammer to make my obstacles into a nail. But this was to no avail. So then What would you do next?

I’m almost 30 and as any other iv made mistakes.. Learnt from them and also repeated them in another variation. I was a womaniser.. My strongest attribute, my character was defined by this notion in my life. This dictated the majority of my decisions in a period of my lifee.

It is a universal view that men of my stature, are hated. Women despise us in theory. Yet feel so compelled and end up falling for the same old tricks, the dashing smile and so forth.

My family had money, my father a successful businessmen – this meant i grew up never having to work nor appreciating the value of money. However I grew up in an council estate in a deprived area of London. My dad did not want to move purely due to the community and convenience.

This however was a recipe for disaster. Constantly seeking the approval of the older kids, I found myself getting into trouble. Petty altercations at first, but soon this would develop into more serious of nature.

Towards the end of my teen years I met her, yes her. The one good thing I would come to realise that shun in my life for several years. I never found her attractive at first. I simply dated her just to add a number onto my list. Ah, the list.. The blackbook. I used to judge a man by the amount of notches he would have by his bedside draw.

Despite dating a few, I experienced a lot of firsts with this girl. I intended to break up with her after only a month. But, i was dumbfounded by her tenacity and reluctance to let go of the relationship when I had tried. I didnt see this affecting me or my plans so naturally, I stayed. I carried on seeing other girls simultaneously. Then it happened. The first time I saw such raw and sheer pain in her eyes when she come to find out the first time of my prying eyes.

This would happen several other occasions. However, she never let go and i found myself at a normality with her in my life. Now I didnt want to let her go. The empty promises upon promises. It was a constant cycle. Its true what they say, a leopard doesn’t ever change its spots. This summarised me perfectly.

After 7 years it was it. She had enough. And just like that she cut me off. As painful as it was for her, it was the best decision. If you don’t see it, you don’t remember it. She held this dearly.

This was the beginning of my struggle. I had realised how much this person had given me. How much one person entrusted me with their life. I am a fool.

I found myself lost in deep despair and sorrow..